Tuesday, March 3, 2015

To my ex-friends: I know you think I am crazy

I had the opportunity to speak to a group of single moms at a Foster Care retreat recently. I knew going in to it the "gist" of what I was going to talk about, but I didn't think about it too much because I knew the group would be small and I wanted it to feel more like a conversation instead of a "speech".

As I went through my single mom story, we started talking about how, as single foster moms, many people think we are crazy. They think we are not whole or equipped enough to do a job like this on our own. Then I said something I didn't expect. I began to talk about all of the "Christian" friends from my past who I had lost along the way because of this journey.

I knew that this was the case, but I guess I never really said it out loud before, and certainly not out loud to a room full of strangers. And it stung. A lot.

But the sad reality is, they just don't get it. We haven't always seen eye to eye, and over the years I have become more and more crazy, and they have become more and more...the same.

Jojo wasn't too big of a shock, because he was a newborn. And white. And although he has Down syndrome, he didn't have any major medical issues so he just appears to be a "normal" baby.

The 2 school age boys we took in for 10 weeks was pushing it. Why would I want to do this? Why add stress on myself and my "own kids"?

Then came Zee. He is just a whole situation as far as "they" are concerned. He has tubes running out of him for goodness sake. I think that was the nail in our friendship coffin. I was way overwhelmed when Zee came home. Way a lot. And you know what? My true friends were there for me with diapers and meals and prayers and support even from far away. And you know where my "church friends" were? No where to be found.

I think maybe they are under the impression that I am just trying to get attention.

Let me be clear: if I wanted attention, I would become a stripper. Not take on a medically fragile foster child on a ventilator. I barely leave the house now for craps sake.

However, I can see why they think I am crazy. I would have thought the same thing not too many years ago....I am so grateful I allowed God to take hold of my life and open my eyes. But I have come to a conclusion. It's not me. It's them. Let me tell you what I think is crazy:

People who put on the same fancy clothes and go sit in the same building 1-2 times a week. They stand. They sit. They stand. They sit. They hear a message. They worship GOD. The Holy God of the UNIVERSE....and they somehow manage to leave week after week....totally unchanged. Their lives stay the same. Aside from the fact that they attend church, they look just like the world. THAT is what I think is crazy.

“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.” Luke 6:46-49

I choose to have a crazy house on a firm foundation. 

I pray more Christians would stand up and be crazy with me.




  1. I love this. If "friends" aren't pouring courage into you so that you can be and do all that God has for you, they probably aren't real friends anyway. And btw, people thought Jesus was crazy, too, so you're in good company.

  2. Beautiful post! It can be a long and lonely road, but so worth it! You are doing something great for the kingdom of God. My husband and I fostered for many years and adopted our 3 sons and I know hard it can get sometimes. I can't imagine how hard it would be as a single mom. This is kingdom work my friend, BIG stuff that you are doing! I am so glad that Jesus didn't just play church, like the Pharisees but walked the road of suffering for our redemption. Thanks for working to redeem these little ones and for being the hands and feet of Jesus.

  3. Your last full paragraph before the Luke passage of profound TRUTH is full of truth too! YES, YES, YES! When we walked out an incredibly difficult road through choices one of our children made, the "church" was largely absent. Granted many didn't know the particular details but they knew we were struggling and they didn't want to get involved in the messy so they turned away. SO VERY SAD really. Your family is just beautiful by the way. GO WITH GOD I say. I am the proud Momma to 6 children (5 with special needs some complex), 4 via adoption, 2 by birth and all from God above!

  4. Praise the Lord! Thanks You Jesus!! I am overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving for having stumbled upon your blog. I am a single woman 39 years old just at the beginning stages of my journey into become a foster mom. You have truly blessed me and I thank my Lord for a precious soul like you to encourge me and others to let us know we are not the only ones. That God has placed this awesome and mighty call on our lives. Please be encouraged and keep standing strong and "thank you" so very much for your blog. :)