Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Gospel and snot.

I have had a few rough nights with the baby lately. Jojo had a nasty cold resulting in my "typically sleep through the night no problem" baby (I know it's not fair but I don't want to talk about it for fear I might jinx it) turning into an "I can't breathe and am miserable and want the household to know about it" baby.

For the parents who haven't recently had a super snotty tiny baby, and for those of you who have yet to be blessed with snotty children, let me paint the picture for you:

Babies can't blow their noses.

So when they have snot we have the pleasure of shooting saline out of a pressurized container up their noses until they feel like they are drowning, then we suck it out with a bulb syringe in HIGH HOPES that the mountains of snot in their little heads will come out and not just the saline we just shot up in there. Typically it is just the saline.To make matters worse there is no "dry it up" medicine babies can take.

Then when bed time rolls around, we prop one end of their bed up as high as we can without them sliding all the way to the other end with one movement. We position the humidifier so it is blowing a steady stream of watery air all over them, and we PRAY that they will sleep.

They usually don't sleep because they can't breathe. They can't breathe because their noses are so stopped up and their little brains aren't mature enough yet to realize that if they would just open their mouths they would be able to breathe just fine. I lay there in the room next to him wanting to scream out


And then God whispered to my heart.....

"That is how I feel about each of my children. Those who won't accept my Gospel. If they would just allow me in, and let ME lead their lives, things would be so much better."

I know what you are thinking....following God isn't easy. It is a bunch of rules that I have to follow....HOW does that make my life better? And I know why you think that....because it is what you have probably been taught it either growing up in a legalistic church, or by the example of your Christian friends. Here is the is not true.

Let God in. Let Him be the Lord of your life. He WILL prove Himself faithful to you again and again and you will WANT to follow Him. He will change your hearts desires. Just as a wife gladly submits to her husband because of the way in which he lays his life down for her (yes ladies I said the "S" word....move past it). Once your relationship with Him becomes real......everything will change.....for the better.

Life won't always be easy, but it will be joyful....if you just breathe Him in......



Sunday, November 3, 2013

I know why you THINK you can't adopt or be involved in foster care.

Orphan Sunday 2013.

(On this day last year, I announced on my blog that I was officially starting the process to adopt a child with Down syndrome. I would have NEVER imagined that a short 71/2 months later that baby would be born and become mine.)

I know why you think you can't do it, because I used to think it too.

And I know why we think that way.

One reason is that we have convinced ourselves that we are not "called". Our Western churches teach us that we are required to show up for church each week, and give money to support that church. We are required to be "good people" so we can make it to heaven. The rest, we are told, is based on "being called".

No need to go on a mission trip if you are not called.
No need to help the poor unless you feel called.
No reason to reach out to widows if you don't feel called.
Worst of all we have been taught that we can spread the Gospel just by our actions or inviting someone to church. If you don't feel called to open your mouth and spread the Good News, then that is cool. Leave it to the missionaries and the preachers who feel "called" to share the Gospel.

That mindset is where I believe our attitude towards adoption and foster care was born. It is optional. It is not my problem unless I feel called. Leave it to the people who do feel called.

The second reason is very simple. Americans have an idea of what raising children is supposed to look like, and adding kids from hard places into that mix will just plain mess things up.

Newborn babies have to look like this:

And they have to come home from the hospital to rooms that look like this:

And when they get bigger their rooms should look like this:
And of course it would scar them for life if they had to share a room.

But, once you allow God to open your eyes to the fact that these are real children we are talking about, you will be changed. You realize that every baby doesn't have to have a closet full of clothes to survive. That kids who share a room will likely learn a lot of life lessons from it and be better adults because of it. That growing up in a family that lives out the Gospel by giving their comforts away to help those in need will change your children for the better.

I have talked a lot about adoption in the past, so now I want to focus on foster care, because that is what God is speaking to my heart today. Here are some facts:

  • There are 423,773 children in the U.S. foster care system; 114,556 of these children are available for adoption. Their birth parent’s legal rights have been permanently terminated and children are left without a family.
  • More children become available for adoption each year than are adopted. In 2009, 69,947 children had parental rights terminated by the courts, yet only 57,466 were adopted.
  • Children often wait three years or more to be adopted, move three or more times in foster care and often are separated from siblings. The average age of waiting children is 8 years old.
  • Last year, 29,471 children turned 18 and left the foster care system without an adoptive family.
  • Adopting from foster care is affordable. Most child welfare agencies cover the costs of home studies and court fees, and provide post-adoption subsidies. Thousands of employers offer financial reimbursement and paid leave for employees who adopt and Federal and/or state adoption tax credits are available to most families.
  • Every child is adoptable. Many children in foster care have special needs. All of them deserve the chance to grow up in a safe, loving, permanent home. Support and other post-adoption resources are available.
  • Adopting from foster care is permanent. Once a child is adopted out of foster care, the birth parents cannot attempt to claim them or fight in court for their return. A family formed through foster care adoption is forever.
  • According to a National Adoption Attitudes Survey commissioned by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, 63 percent of Americans hold a favorable view of adoption and 78 percent think more should be done to encourage adoption.
  • Nearly 40 percent of American adults, or 81.5 million people, have considered adopting a child, according to the National Adoption Attitudes Survey. If just one in 500 of these adults adopted, every waiting child in foster care would have a permanent family.
My Orphan Sunday 2013 plea to you is this:

consider foster care

Pray about it and see where God leads you. Open your mind to the FACTS. Let it sink in that these are real kids and they are suffering. If Christians don't meet the need, who will?

Remember, our job as Christians is not to coast it out in this life, collecting as much stuff as we can along the way. It is not to create the perfect looking family. Our job is to be the hands and feet of Jesus on this earth. Based on the statistics above, I would say we are doing a pretty crummy job.

Please read the blog post below, written by a friend of mine who was adopted from the foster care system 30 years ago. You can also click the second link and look at the faces of these real children who need someone to stand up and care for them.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Meet my overweight friend, her cancer husband and their lice infested child.

Did you know that October is Down syndrome awareness month? I would like to take this opportunity to make you aware of a little thing we like to call .....

We would never say:

"This is my overweight friend Janet"
"Her cancer husband Bob is nice"

So then why would we say:

"Jenny just adopted a Down syndrome baby"
"He has an HIV+ daughter"

I see well meaning articles all the time with titles like these:

Coach makes special needs students feel like part of the team

Parents of Down Syndrome kids cherish special moments

Commercial features Down syndrome child

The Blessing of a Down Syndrome Child

Down Syndrome cheerleader she's liability

Do you see the difference? When we say "Jenny adopted a baby who has Down syndrome" it shows that we realize first and foremost that he is a baby. He is a person. He is not Down syndrome. It doesn't define who he is!

Here is the bottom line: we aren't going to all get it right every time. Let's all have some grace for each other, because I don't even get this right all the time! It is a learning process to re-train your brain. But people are important, and we should have respect for the fact that each and every one of us is a fearfully and wonderfully made child of the KING!



Monday, October 14, 2013

Jojo's Story Part 3: Our Texas Family

{click here for Part 1 of Jojo's story}  
{click here for Part 2 of Jojo's story

We packed up all of our belongings in our rental car and went to visit Jojo. Then I plugged the address into my GPS, and headed for Houston. I had spoken to Lisa on the phone once ever in my entire life, the day before. My mom was pushing it to get to the airport on time, so she literally dumped us and all our stuff off at their doorstep and took off. I now had no rental car, no mom to help me and no idea how staying with complete strangers with my big kids and one in the NICU 30 minutes away was going to go.

I have to be honest, when I saw the giant paper mache robot in the corner of the dining room, I was a little concerned. A couple of hours later when I had to rescue Lisa's dog from the death grip of her newly adopted "older" cat, I was a little more concerned. When Lisa took said dog to the vet to make sure her almost ripped out eyeballs were ok, and came back with a picture on her phone of the gas pump she has just ripped apart by driving off with it still attached to her car......concerned.

But, our kids hit it off right away, and we were able to laugh at all of the drama that night as we waited for Tesney to arrive. Tesney and Lisa had been friends for a long time, but had never met in person. You can read more about their connection (it is a really AMAZING story) here. Once Tesney and her kids arrived, the real adventure began.

We had 6 kids between us at the house (1/3 of which have Down syndrome), one husband (bless him) and a baby at the NICU. The next week was filled with fun but also drama and stress for me as I tried to balance time at the hospital and time with my friends and big kids. That week was awesome, but unfortunately Tesney and her boys had to leave to head back home. We all hoped that Jojo would get to come home while Tesney was still there, but the stars just did not align to make that happen. The time with all of us together was WAY too short, but it was a sweet sweet time that I will never forget.

I won't bore you with the details of all the fun we had, because it will just make you jealous. So I will just post a whole mess of pictures to tell the story. 

First dinner out.
Pool time!



Lisa meets Jojo
Tesney meets Jojo
Children's Museum

Me about to get new ink!

After Tesney left, we waited another WHOLE WEEK before Jojo was able to come HOME! Waiting is hard. We had a big celebration for the 4th of July....... aka our last day as a family of 3!

On July 5th Jojo was all set to be RELEASED! Of course, it took half of a day to get all the paperwork done and the ducks all in nice little rows. The whole crew came up to the hospital really was surreal
 walking out of that place with him. 

Ready to get JOJO!!

Let's go HOME!


When we got home I was surprised with signs, gifts balloons and even flowers from my Texas husband Joey : ). 

When you live with people, especially people you have never met before in real life, it forms an amazing bond between you. Yes, Lisa was a hot mess on the first day when we showed up and moved in with them for an indefinite amount of time, but we quickly moved past that and truly became the best of friends. Aidan and I had a stomach virus while we were there and she took care of us. Our kids became BFF's. Aidan was able to interact with Archie and Kirill and that was a HUGE thing for him. He is very analytical, and that time answered a lot of questions I think he had swirling around in his head about having a brother with Down syndrome. Ella Mae lost a tooth and got her ears pierced. Jojo came home from the hospital to their We spent our first night as a family of 4 there. He had his first bath in their sink. We did normal life together.
Jojo....with the robot :)

First sleep at home

First bath

First dinner out with Jojo
We consider them family. And always will. we have already met in the middle (Biloxi Mississippi) once for a long weekend because we couldn't stand to be so far away from each other. They are coming to Alabama to see us this weekend.....eeeek! Sorry are stuck with us it or not! We love you so much we can hardly stand it and Jojo's story just would not have been the same without you.


jennymo, aidan, ella mae and jojo


Thursday, August 1, 2013

Jojo's Story Part 2: The NICU

{click here for Part 1 of Jojo's story}

I never thought I would be a mom with a child in the NICU. Having delivered two healthy 8 pound babies, and having no plans to adopt a newborn, the thought had never crossed my mind. But God.....

After Jojo's safe and healthy delivery, I really thought we might not need a stay in the NICU. I knew he would spend a lot of time in the nursery due to the circumstances of the adoption, but was very hopeful that he would be released shortly after T. I was prepared for some sort of heart issue (which is very typical in children with Down syndrome), but when they quickly ruled out any major issues, I assumed we were good to go!

The nurses discovered during the first night after Jojo was born that he was what is called a "poor feeder". This simply means that he needed a little time to get the hang of breathing, sucking and swallowing all at the same time. Sounded like no big deal to me.

If I had to describe a stay in the NICU in one word it would be "uncertainty". I know many of you have been there. For those of you who know me, you know I am a planner, and I don't do well with uncertainties! I especially don't do well with uncertainties when I am with my kids, in a another state, away from home. From day one until the day we were released, moment to moment, I was literally never sure of anything.

How long would he need to stay? A doctor would estimate two more days and an hour later a nurse would guess a week. Babies in the NICU change so often, and each and every time I rang the bell, washed my hands, and turned the corner I never knew what I would see. Would he be better? Worse? The same? Would the birth mom be in there holding him? Will his crib be closed (meaning he isn't keeping his temp up on his own) or will it be open?  Is that my baby's monitor beeping or someone elses? Have they moved him to a different spot? That is a great way to freak a new mommy out by the way!

We were staying in a hotel (which is expensive), driving a rental car (which is expensive) and eating out for every meal (adds up fast). First and foremost I wanted Jojo to be healthy, but second I wanted to be able to have a PLAN.

June 21-first morning in NICU-no tubes
By the time we got to hold him he had a tube in his mouth

After 48 hours he was officially ours!
Me and "my" sweet L and D nurse Nicole
By the 3rd day he had to work on his tan under the Bili lights
(one of my fav NICU pics-holding sisters hand)


Tube moved to his nose

So, we spent the first few days at the hospital in the mornings, then back to the hotel to give the kids a break, then back to the hospital in the afternoon. I spent A LOT of time feeling like I needed to be in 3 places at once. I couldn't just turn my back on T after everything she had been through (she had NO ONE else there for her), but I wanted to focus all my time on my new baby, and also not ignore Aidan and Ella Mae. It wasn't an easy balance.

The law requires that the birth mother (or parents) have 48 hours before they can sign over their parental rights. So Saturday evening, we all headed up to the hospital to meet the social worker and be there in case we were needed. It was a tough night. T had a family member that was supposed to be there for her while she signed the papers, but they were a no show. I felt so terrible for her. Of course, I wanted her to sign the papers with no issue, but as a mom I couldn't even begin to fathom what she was feeling. Mothers who give their children up for adoption are the strongest people in the world as far as I am concerned. To carry and deliver a child, and then make the choice to do what is best for that child, and walk away from the hospital empty handed.....I can literally not imagine. She will always be my hero.

The social worker needed two people to witness the signing of the papers, and they had to be people who were in no way affiliated with the hospital for legal reasons. She asked my mom if she would witness and of course she said yes. The kids and I waited in the waiting room and I think I held my breath the entire time. My mom realized in the moment, that since she was also adopted as an infant, her birth parents likely had to go through a similar process to give her the gift of a family that could raise her well. It was a very emotional night for all of us. I doubt I will ever again experience a time in my life when I felt such joy and such sadness all in the same moment.

Once the papers were signed and T was released, things got a little easier for me. It also became clear that Jojo was not going to be released as soon as we had hoped, and that we were definitely going to be in Texas for a while. So decisions had to be made.

Emmy decided it was best for her to go ahead and travel back on Monday to take care of things at home. My amazing friend Tesney was planning to drive to Houston to see Jojo on Monday as well, so it felt like the right time to transition from the hotel to stay with friends. The only problem was, the hotel was 10 minutes from the hospital and my ever changing baby, and our friends house was about 30 minutes away. To say this caused me a little anxiety would be a HUGE understatement. Huge.

Staying in a hotel for only God knows how long and paying for a rental car as well was just not an option. Tesney and the friends we were going to stay with have an AMAZING connection (you can read more about that here), but they had never met in person. I had never met the Eichers in person either.....but we took the leap of faith that all would be fine, and on Monday morning we loaded up the car and headed from Sugar Land to Houston!

{Part 3: "Our Texas Family" coming soon!}